i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
