and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
