would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
