normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
