RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
