Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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