And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize