the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize