Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
