guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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