i permit you to call me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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