He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
