'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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