if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
