Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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