i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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