went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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