Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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