trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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