I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
