I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
