she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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