Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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