We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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