so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
