It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
