the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
