If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable