I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar