I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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