I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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