dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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