ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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