Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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