I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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