Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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