He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
