He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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