I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
