I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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