her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
