I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He better not be in your backpack
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
