HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
