Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize