im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
