I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
