does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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