I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize