So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize