i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
