I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
