Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
