Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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