Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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