So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
