TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
