I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
