Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
