this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
