My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
