i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
