I just made out with a guy for $7.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
