Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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