Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
