wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
