Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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