My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
