If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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