Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
