Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have fence marks all over my body
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
