I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
