I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
