Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
