like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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