I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
