My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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