After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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