I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
