Yo dont text me then not text me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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