so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
