Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
